Parenting or "I want my mommy"

I was asked to give a talk in church about parenting. I am wondering why this is what the Lord wants me to speak about especially when my reaction to the morning buzzer going off just a few days ago was to bury my head in the pillow and say,"I don't want to be and adult!" Jim laughed and gave me a loving squeeze and my response to that was,"I want my mommy"

One thing I have learned form being a parent is to never assume. For example

I was waiting in the car with my 11 year old son, waiting for my husband to do some transactions in the bank, when I noticed two men at the ATM acting arrogant and throwing their trash on the ground. I was upsetting me. How rude of them. I took their license plate down and description of their vehicle. Then they threw even more garbage on the ground when they got in their car. I was getting very upset. I decided to call the police. I was debating on calling 911 or looking up another number. I decided to call 911 because it was easier. My son was pleading with me not to call the police or at least wait for my husband and ask him what he thought. But the criminals were getting away! So I dialed the number and then changed my mind as my husband came out the door of the bank. Then I heard a siren. The police were blocking off the one way street I was parked on. I quickly realized that they thought that there was a bank robber. Then there was a swat team, and fairly large swat team of about 20 or 30! Then there were more and more police cars. I knew that my phone had a gps on it and I was had. My husband kept saying,"did you really call 911??'" I said yes! those guys were littering! Clay confirmed that I really did call 911. Jim wasn't getting in the car with me, he was watching all the police block the road. Then the police man pulled up to the side of my car, I slowly rolled my window down, I was trembling. He waved and went on, along with the rest of the crew. It was a parade for the special Olympics. I looked at my phone. I had called my voice mail and there was no 911 call. Never assume or litter.

Our goal for our home is to be a disciple training center. When we are a disciple of Christ we are following his discipline.

I have a different perspective than many mothers on parenting. I have been in a temple marriage that ended in divorce after 24 years. On the outside it looked like we were a perfect family or that is what we were portraying. We live in a world where appearances seem to be the main reality. Essentially, others are putting on appearances to impress us, and we are putting on appearances to impress them. We are both succeeding and both deceiving.

My goal has always been to raise spiritual, productive children. We all do our best, though ultimately we all have our own free agency, including children.

Of course my parents were the 1st people to teach me about parenting. I think that the best thing they gave me was love. Unconditional love, they saw the good in me and embellished on it. I was 8 weeks early, the doctors told them that I would probably have learning disabilities. I never knew this , it was never brought up until I graduated from high school. They never treated me like I was slow, they just helped me with homework and always believed in me.

My mom was sick quite a bit so I had a lot of responsibility along with a lot of freedom. When I heard them saying
prayers together when I would come home late from hanging out with friends. There was a lot about me in those prayers. It would pull at my heartstrings and I would try harder to be good. They trusted me an this kind of parenting worked for me.

This is not how they parented all of my siblings. My sister gave them a little more trouble. She was about 16 years old and came to my parents and told them that she was going to go to California with her 19 yearold boyfriend. My mom was beside herself. My dad in his quiet way explained to both of them, that when they were crossing the state line that the police would be waiting for them, charging the boyfriend for kidnapping a minor. There was no more discussion about this.

My brother of 17, was sitting on the porch one night with my father. There was news of a boy who's parents had let him stay the night in jail to teach him a lesson. The result was that the boy ended up getting killed. My brother asked my dad what he would do in the same situation. My dad scratched his bearded chin and thought for a few minuets, then replied," Well, I would sell your truck and probably your calves to get you out."

One thing we always knew was that my dad would do what he said. There were no faults threats, he didn't lie. He taught me that if you say that your kids are going to walk home if they don't quite fighting they will walk home. If he said that he will sell your truck to get you out of jail, than he will sell your truck , if he will call the cops on your boyfriend than he will. My parents taught me to not lie. To be honest with myself and my children I have learned 1st hand how hard it is not to lie. That parents can make themselves into liars! @" Gabriel, you must eat all you dinner
before you get dessert." or " Yes, Miriam, you may go with your friends Saturday if all your chores are done."
If Gabriel gets dessert (for any reason) without eating all of his dinner, or if Miriam goes with friends on Saturday (for any reason) and all of her chores are not done, then the above statements were both lies and I am a liar. I have to ask myself quite often, "Do I promise or threaten consequences and then not follow through?" If so, my promises and threatened consequences were untrue. They were false, they were lies....and I became a liar,,,, someone who can not be believed! How can I expect my children to be honest if I am not. This is an ever going process.

I was blessed with 5 grandparents that I remember. It was fun watching my grandparents parent my parents. After raising their own 8-9 children they were pretty easy with me. I was the oldest and always believed I was the favorite. We were up to the Weber cabin and had lots of cousins and parents. My grandma suggested that all the parents leave and that she and I would take care of all the cousins. That sounded great to me. As soon as the parents were out of sight and hearing distance grandma hollered," Ice cream for dinner, all you can eat." We and ate and ate and then took the kids to the stream and played until the parents came home. I was really impressed with this grandma. She impressed me again when I was a mom myself and went to a cousins mission farewell. We were sitting there with all of our extended family and I saw one of my boy cousins.. and my children were staring... wow his hair was in about the biggest affro that I have ever seen. I looked at my grandma and asked her if it was who I thought it was. It was and she smiled and said, "doesn't he look cute?" If she was ok with it so was I. She taught me right thereto love, accept and don't criticize. That criticism carries the message, " You are not Okay! I don't accept you the way you are! I reject you. You must change to please me! You are not worthy!

Another thing from being around my grandparents I was taught the message of unconditional love. That a child need to know that she is loved and has value. In a nurturing environment the child learns she is loved and accepted for exactly who she is, regardless of performance or the qualities. If she makes mistakes, she is still loved. Parents who use love as a lever to get kids to behave or to motivate them are cruel. Conditional love is destructive: its message is, "You're not loved unless you 'perform' or "produce' according to the wishes and needs of others."

My husband explanation is like this. Think of yourself standing in the middle of a circle. All around you is light. Where the light ends is your family and they are in the dark. If you try to push them than you have to go in the dark or you push them farther in the dark. They have to come to you. How you do that is personal revelation by praying, studying and listening.

I love this part of" The Family A Proclamation to the World"

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

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